My husband and I recently found out we were expecting twin daughters, which really amped up our girl count from 1 to 3 quickly. Because that’s how math works, much to people’s dismay. We can say with almost great certainty that this will be my final pregnancy. Unless I, I don’t know, lose my mind. Now I know that the number of babies you are carrying is in fact directly correlated to the amount of idiotic commentary you’re going to receive.
People love to say questionable things to you when you’re pregnant. Pregnancy gives people an all access pass to commentate on your appearance, behavior, and family structure. Tact and decency are curbed and replaced with unfiltered trash.
Here’s a list of 5 things a pregnant woman doesn’t appreciate hearing:
- You’ve gotta try for that boy (girl)!
When all of your children are the same gender your Uterus is not retired. You will be met with equal parts horror and pity; brace yourselves for lots of “oh your poor husband” quips and bad jokes about estrogen. I’m actually thrilled to be having all girls. I can officially use the hashtag #girlmom, I don’t have to worry about whether or not circumcision is akin to genital mutilation, and my husband will be the only one peeing on our floor (usually).
There’s trade offs for sure: like those pesky rape statistics that keep me up at night and the doom of adolescence that hangs in the not far enough away future. But I am happy to have the family I do, so before you go and decide that my future holds another pregnancy, and an uncertain roll of the dice will make my life what you want it to be, say congrats and stop talking.
- Any variant of you’re going to be exhausted/busy/miserable.
Thank you for that stunning insight. One infant was a total piece of cake so without your groundbreaking assessment I never would have guessed that having two infants and a toddler might be a challenge. And now that you’ve floored me with this information, are you going to follow up with any tips? Because 1) No, you’re not. You just want to tell me how rough my life is going to be. And 2) your tips would likely be as innovative as your future predicting skills, so thanks Sister Cleo, save your advice and psychic abilities for someone who cares. (No one. No one cares.)
- You’re definitely done now.
You know, we probably are. But mind your own body. And family. Are you raising my kids? What business is it of yours if I want none or 7. I will go full Michelle Duggar just to piss you off. Someone (who I like) said to me, “3 is MORE than enough children.” It’s a good thing you aren’t having them then, now isn’t it?
- Your stomach is so a big already!
Well, that’s how this works… this isn’t a juice cleanse.
Also common: “I wasn’t that big until I was 9 months pregnant!” This isn’t my first rodeo. I used to have a 6 pack too Tiffany. But that’s on hold until I get these TWO babies out of my uterus. Tell me again how you managed to stay SO trim for SO late in your pregnancy. Really I’m dying to know… and then immediately talk shit about you to every mutual acquaintance we have because you’re being an insensitive twat. K, love you, bye.
- You’re not going to eat that are you?
Ah yes, the food and drink police. These people fall into one of a few camps: a) have never been pregnant b) haven’t been pregnant in 15 years c) are generally very annoying individuals with poor self awareness.
Did I just take a drag off a Newport? A long pull of Wild Turkey? You’re acting like I poured bleach into my womb. I’m not interested in taking dietary advice from… anyone. Sometimes I’ll be more reasonable and let my doctor weigh in, but you are not them, so you have no voice at this roundtable.
Many women spend the majority of 3 months throwing up regularly and having aversions to foods they had previously loved. So let me tell you something, I’m going to eat anything that I can keep down. Sometimes that includes *gasp* soft cheeses and turkey. Sometimes it is straight up junk. If you’re of the opinion that I should be drinking green smoothies and quizzing me about my caffeine intake I am liable to choke you. It’s 2018, I have 3 pregnancy apps on my phone and a doctorate from Google, I know what I’m doing.
This is an approved list of things you’re allowed to say to a pregnant woman:
- Congratulations!
End of list.
Scarlett Longstreet is a stay at home-ish mom, bartender, and wife. She lives in a suburb of Detroit with her husband and daughter. You can follow her on Instagram.
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It’s similar to not having children and having to explain to people “not by my choice”.
I think family planning and reproduction is an incredibly sensitive/personal subject for most woman and should be approached with great tact. With that being said, I recognize that most people really do mean well and don’t realize that sometimes “just making conversation” can have bigger implications and open up more sensitive topics than they intended.
Congratulations to you and your family 💖
Winifred van Veen thank you so much! ❤️
Scarlett, literally every time you go out in public from here on out, #1 will be your life. Always. I wish I was exaggerating. I really do.
Congratulations again!
I thought of you when I was writing this! I remember you posting about it a while back and now that I’m living it I always think man she was not kidding ha. Thank you! ❤️
Well said, Scarlett! Congratulations to you all!!
Thank you so much!
Congrats to your oldest for gaining sisters! The best gift a girl could have (hopefully!).
Thanks Jessica! I’m hoping they’ll be close 🤞
I can’t love this enough!
Thanks lady! 😊
Congratulations! I haven’t had the twin experience but we’ll be an all boy family soon and have gotten some similar comments. Regardless, it’s all so true.
You’re expecting too? Congrats! So exciting. And thank you!
“You’ll be tired for the rest of your life”
#nothelpful
You go girl!💪🏼
Congratulations & well said!
Thank you Linda!
So, twin name suggestions, like Mary-kate and Ashley, are OK…. got it. Haha
Congratulations lady!
Black and Decker are my favorite from the work board. Thanks!!
Love you girl
💗💗
This.
I have a 3 week old and I was soooo sick of the comments! Everyone kept trying to give my husband and me advice. Thank you, but after the millionth person, I’m pretty sure we expect to be tired.
Congratulations on twin girls! How fun & exciting.
The advice is the best (worst haha), that could be an entire blog in itself! Thank you so much and congrats and your daughter ❤️😊
I LOVE this! Third trimester I lived on the jumbo bags of 7-11 gummy bears (by far the best ever), cold meat sandwhiches, sushi, and more gummy bears. And to the old men at the Gym who always commented “wow, you are STILL pregnant?”, I held back my snipe of “wow, you are STILL alive?
Still alive hahaha! Yes I shamelessly smash Sushi too. I wish people would spend more time reading about why the recommendations are what they are and that the risk isn’t because you’re pregnant, it’s because you’re consuming raw food. So many people follow things blindly without actually knowing the reasoning behind it.
I have three girls and got #1 for years! I had complications after third girl. I’d just tell people about it and that’d stop them!
I suspect I have a long road ahead of me and will probably lose patience as we go ha. Thanks for reading! #girlmom 😊
Scarlett Longstreet yep:) my first two were 19 months apart then 5 years. I had a lot of moments I’m not proud of:) they’re 15, 20 and 22 now. It gets easier
Omg, the twins are girls!? Congrats!
Yep! Thank you!! ❤️
“Geez, you waited long enough.” No shit – not my choice.
My favorite line when i was pregnant with Everly was “Wow your stomach is so big!” Yeah that usually happens when you’re 9 months pregnant and carrying a 10 pound baby.
By the way, congratulations!
Oooh or another one of my favorites, “your daughter was ten pounds?! You must have had gestational diabetes” or I just produce 3 month old children as newborns, Karen.
It never ceases to amaze me what people say! Both of those are up there though. People make insane assumptions 🤯
And thank you! ❤️❤️❤️ same to you 😊
Yeah they really do. All common sense seems to leave some people when a pregnant woman walks into a room. Thank you!
Congratulations!! How exciting
Thank you Victoria!
I have a boy and a girl (which you’ve obviously noticed by my fb and IG posts), they are 14 months apart…..”Oh, did you plan for them to be that close”, “Aw, you have the perfect family now, 1 boy and 1 girl – don’t have anymore”, and when I was pregnant with my daughter, every fucking day at work, “Are you sure there’s only 1 baby in there?!” The ridiculous shit that people think they can say to a pregnant woman really blows my mind. And (at least in my experience), most of it comes from OTHER WOMEN. People.
Aaaaanyway, congrats to you and Alan!! xo
Congratulations! We are expecting our first and the amount of unwanted and outdated advice is rampant. I knew it would be bad, but it’s insane. My new go-to is “Oh, thanks for being my obgyn today!”. I’m preggo and hormonal and not afraid to tell you what I think.
Thank you and congratulations to you as well! The first is such an exciting time 😊 I’m gonna steal that line too 😉
I had someone tell me I wasn’t allowed to wear kitten heals to work. I’m all wow thanks for advising me on my choice of footwear
Some older woman insisted that I was having twins.
A: I don’t know yew
B: R U D E . I already feel like poop. So thanks. 😒
i have 2 sons 10 yrs apart my husband & i didnt plan it that way after our first son was born we tried for another baby but nothing happened so when i found out i was pregnant again it was a suprise & i was sick my whole pregnancy with my first son so when i threw up all day every day for 9 months with my second son i knew i never wanted to get pregnant again…im pretty sure im allergic to being pregnant lol so i got my tubes tied & i heard so much crap about how i needed a girl i was to young to do that blahh blahhh blahhh…i had a son at 22 and one at 32 i for sure knew i was done with babies…im still with my 7th grade crush we have a 20 yr old son & a 10 yr old son and guess what we are happy we dont need no girl!! Everybody has opinions my only opinion that matters is yours!!
I threw up everyday all day till my c-section,, I knee I could never ever do that again!
#girlmom
Congratulations!
I’m happy for you. Please just be thankful.
This was an amazing read! You go girl! Very excited for you and your growing family!
Congratulations
That was hilarious, whether or not I’m reading at 5 am. I may or may not have ever said these things to a PG woman…I will try to keep it in line! But, in the meantime, I really can’t WAIT to hold them! Can I be an honorary Meema?? ❤️ One of my serious joys in life.
This is great! I wish this article was around when I was pregnant last year….thank you for your insights❤
Lol this is great ! As always a great read with some laughs ..and of course, congratulations!