There’s a lot of things that set my husband apart from the men I was with, but didn’t marry. He has a particular goodness about him. He called me, he drove to me, he invited me. He had a presence even when he wasn’t present. I didn’t know he was the one instantly, he just kept treating me like i was it for him until I came to understand it myself. Good men are consistent.


The novelty of consistency can fade, especially when you’re used to highs and lows, is he in or out, is he great or not so great. Erratic can be addicting. Eminem and Rihanna had a banger for sure with Love The Way You Lie. But that is no one’s wedding song. Get yourself a Lifehouse – You And Me and call it a wrap!


Women say they want consistent, but they will literally trip over themselves for a man who is so fickle it leaves them confused. It’s actually kind of our specialty. “Mixed signals?! Yah, I’m gonna stick around for an extra long time on this one.” I lost track of how many conversations I’ve had with my best friend over whether or not someone was into me: the answer was no. If you’re having a conversation about if someone is into you or not, the answer is always no.


Men who make you wonder aren’t meant to be boyfriends. Men who are always making up for something shouldn’t get to be your husband. When you’re with a good man, the good behavior doesn’t stand out… it’s not gesture, or apology; it’s routine.


I know our hearts hang on to men long after our guts say move along. Far too long after our brains scream it.


You see, on the fence men, not quite into you men, not ready to settle down men, don’t make good husbands. It doesn’t translate. Those men don’t wake one day wanting to love and support you, they don’t want to build families. When they do have families, they interpret their provision to them as a debt that can’t be repaid. That they’ve earned their absence and unreliability. Each good tally makes room for a bad.


The accessories of your wedding, the burdens and gifts; rings, and babies, and insurance payments don’t ground ok men. They don’t feel rooted, they feel strangled. You’re adding more weight to a foundation that was already crumbling.


Look for a man who makes ripples, not waves. Who chases you, not adventure. Because good marriages aren’t made of women straining for something just out of reach.


Good marriages are built on good men, and it’s ok to wait for them.


Scarlett is a stay at home-ish mom, bartender, and wife. You can follow her on Instagram.


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4 Responses

  1. AJP

    You raised amazing points in this post that many don’t want to hear, but need to. Being rooted and feeling strangled are two entirely different things!!! They both will keep you for a moment, but will have totally different outcomes. You strangle something for too long and it dies.

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