What’s going on up there in that head? Well I promise you, not nearly as many thoughts traffic his head as yours. But just what IS he thinking? DO these jeans make me look fat? DOES this color accentuate my waistline? CAN he see the 14 ounces I’ve lost? Well…
- “I really dont care about your make up.” Like at all. Unless you look like you’re a clown on your way to a birthday party, highlighter, concealer, lip liner…it really doesn’t catch his eye.
- “I haven’t noticed your weight loss.” Even though he sees you everyday and should notice every ounce like you do, he doesn’t see you in the way your bestie sees you. So just ask her. He’ll tell you when he notices.
- “I don’t want to talk.” Sitting next to my husband in silence to me means our relationship is deteriorating. There’s nothing left. Are we getting a divorce? Why doesn’t he love me? But really, he just wants to sit… in silence. Learn to appreciate this because it’s actually golden if your thoughts aren’t riddled with anxiety.
- “You were cooler when we first met.” Duh. I sat in your apartment and watched you and your friend play XBox for 7 hours while I made you nachos. Did you really think that’s what marriage was gonna be like? Come on dude. But come to think of it, yeah- I was cooler.
- “I want more alone time.” This one’s for you guys with kids. And no, he’ll never say it cause even those words sound so un-masculine. But before those kids there was you two. And your awesome sex life. And the way you look at that baby, you looked at him like that once. And deep down, he wants time for that again.
- “Your clothing choice doesn’t matter.” Again, unless you look like you’re one of the Ringling Brothers, the red dress or black body suit doesn’t matter to him. As long as you take it off at the end of the night, your wardrobe is a big, expensive blur.
- “I don’t care about your hair.” Long, medium, short. Highlights, lowlights, Ombré, Balayage. He literally will never fucking get it and why it costs so much. And for that matter…
- “I don’t care about your pubic hair.” I guess this one may differ from man to man, but I’ve never met a guy who broke up with a girl because of a pizza slice vs. landing stop vs. bald. As long as you keep it clean and he doesn’t need a weed-whacker to navigate, he probably doesn’t give a shit.
- “Let’s talk about sex.” My husband and I have a military term for this: AAR (after action review). As long as you’re not dissing his signature move (even if it doesn’t do much for you), most men are pretty open to improving things in bed. Especially if your sentence begins with, “I liked it when you…” But for some reason, even married couples become sheepish about this topic. Chances are, he probably would love to talk about it.
- “I’m not happy.” He might say this, but when he finally does it could be too late. Husbands are like pets. Maybe they’re not communicating their unhappiness, but the signs are all there. They’ll float through mundane misery for a while before jumping ship. As a partner in that relationship, part of your job is to see these signs and address them. Take care of your pet. And take responsibility for your half of that relationship. There are no relationships that end “out of left field.” You probably missed (or ignored) all the red flags that brought you here.
Gina Lyons O’Brien was born, raised and is now currently raising a family on Long Island, NY. She attended SUNY Farmingdale and changed her major about 6 times over the course of 5 years before realizing college just wasn’t her cup of tea. In 2010, she met her now husband (who is currently stationed in Fort Jackson) while the two worked together at Trader Joe’s. Once a party animal, Gina traded in her wild side for motherhood (although the wild side still shines through every now and again). Mother of one Penelope June, Gina is afforded the liberty of being a SAHM. In 2017, she launched Strong Like a Mom – a small charitable business which donates half of their profits to Every Mother Counts through the sales of their pretty little shirts. In short, Gina is a sarcastic, wild child with a goal of a raising the best possible human(s) she can. Follow Gina and her business on Instagram at Strong Like A Mom & Gina Lyons O’brien. Check out her store on Etsy: Strong Like A Mom.