I found myself surrounded by a younger crowd last weekend. It was all bikinis and Monster energy drinks, music I hadn’t heard of. As I readjusted my one piece I was filled with a sense of relief (mostly), for I have come so far:
- I like the taste of alcohol. Somewhere between my teens and twenties I stopped throwing up every single time I drank. And that’s probably because I figured out that cheap things aren’t good and good things aren’t cheap. I wish someone had told me that it’s best to avoid liquor that comes in plastic bottles and is sold by the half gallon. There’s a reason why grandpas like Scotch and gin: because it’s delicious.
- I care. I recycle. I turn off the lights. I utilize the cart return in parking lots. I try to be a conscientious person, which is a departure from the entitled brat I was in my youth.
- I care about what you’re doing too. Oh you think you’re just gonna leave your dog in that hot car? Or yell at your toddler in a convenience store? Not today my friend. Gone are the days where I just felt uncomfortable and looked away. I’m calling the proper authorities.
- I watch boring stuff. HGTV gives me life and Bobby Flay is my celebrity crush. Give me all the wholesome. I don’t really need to see anything that “pushes the envelope” or is “racy” – just show me how to get a nice sear on that steak.
- I have no friends. And I’m cool with it. Relationships require a lot of energy; I don’t want any extras that take me away from the Food Network.
- I am confident. There was a time in my life when I wouldn’t leave the house without straightening my hair. I sometimes (all times) go out looking disheveled AF and I don’t let anyone’s perfect mermaid waves make me feel like I am not the hottest thing in the club… I mean Costco. Haven’t seen a club in 5 years.
- I don’t mind being covered up. My shorts used to be underwear and side boob was no big deal. Don’t get me wrong, I love a tastefully done crop top, but nothing makes my heart swoon like a modest crewneck and something that falls just above the knee.
- I get up early. Every single day of the week.
- Exercise. Maybe i’m gonna go for a nice jog, or sample a spinning class. Low impact? Even better. Either way, cardiovascular health is on my mind.
- Vegetables. Microgreens, beets, brussel sprouts. I have no idea who Ty Dolla $ign is, but I stay up on vegetable trends.
- Get me out of the sun. I’m not stepping foot on a patio unless there’s an umbrella. Botox isn’t in my budget.
- I feel bad about everything. I try to avoid the news because I am always one house fire story away from losing my mind.
- I spend a lot of time on Zillow. Lemme see that Zestimate baby! I constantly need to know how many square feet a house is and whether or not the basement is finished.
- I watch my money. Except at Starbucks. triple shot? I’ve earned this.
Getting older is getting closer to understanding what makes you happy, keeps you healthy, and brave enough to follow through on both. It’s being comfortable in your own skin, even if it comes with crows feet.
Scarlett is a stay at home-ish mom, bartender, and wife. You can follow her on Instagram.
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