There’s No Such Thing as BFF

Finding girlfriends has always been a struggle for me. Go ahead and roll your eyes because all girls say it, but I truly feel it in my soul. Hear me out.


I grew up with an older brother and a little brother. I wanted nothing more than to be like them and tried with all my might to not want Barbie-Dolls but a kick-butt collection of Hot-wheels cars, instead. I knew how to walk the walk and talk the talk.


As I got older, things changed. Hormones kicked in, puberty happened, and someone decided that I was one of the “pretty girls.” And trust me, this new title surely didn’t help my girl-friendless cause. I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t embrace the title of being “pretty,” any teenage girl would, but did it disqualify me from being a suitable BFF? Don’t get me wrong, I had friends but I never felt I connected with any of them on a deep level. In fact, I rarely talk to them now that I am an “adult” (I use that term loosely.)


After I was dumped into the real world in an era I refer to as post-college-life, I had never felt more alone. Long story-short, I met my husband and met some amazing women who now qualify as my group of girlfriends. We scheduled regular girls nights, watched The Bachelor, had group texts full of memes and jokes about our boyfriends/husbands, and were in each other’s weddings. I felt I truly had found my group of BFF’s.


Then life happened.


I hate being an adult.


Every one of my friends either got pregnant or they moved to the big city. I don’t mean for this to sound like a bad thing, it is a blessing to see their dreams come true and watch their families grow. I am over the moon excited for each and every one of them, but I am stuck in girlfriend-limbo.


I would be lying if I didn’t say a hint of jealousy creeps across my body every time I see their baby-play-dates, or pics of their new friends in their new city. It’s human nature. So I have given myself a week or two to sit in self-pity and now I’ve had enough.


I’m calling B.S. on BFF’s.


You can’t be Best Friends Forever because sure as shit, life happens! My friends and I will rarely be on the same level of life all the time. We will always have different hobbies. We will always continue to flourish in the environment around with or without each other. Being BFF’s just is unrealistic.


So if you are looking back at your high school or college friendships and are feeling remorse for “letting it slip,” don’t. You have changed and so have they. If they are truly friends, they will love you for your accomplishments and pray for your hardships, but they should never be upset for seeing you grow and mature into the “adult” you are today.


If you are stuck in the same girlfriend-limbo that I am, know that you aren’t alone. Instead of dwelling on it, make a list of goals you want to accomplish before you join the ranks of, wife, motherhood or city dweller. Not only will it give you something to focus on but think about how much you will grow.

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2 Responses

  1. K

    My best friend and I have been friends since we were 17 and 16. Today we’re 36 and 35. I went to college but she didn’t. She’s married with two kids but I’m single. It takes two people who are commited to the friendship and very intentional about making time for each other. You can’t have that kind of relationship with more than one or two, maybe three people because there isn’t enough time and energy to devote it. I’ve never had a group of girlfriends. I’ve usually had separate friends that i spend time with individually.
    I have another friend whom I’ve known since kindergarten. She and I don’t live in the same state but we still talk and share things.

    It’s true that people go through different stages at different times, which is why you have to take the time to share things, see things from the other person’s perspective, and then come back to your common ground. Both people have to be able to see the big picture, the importance of their friendship in the grand scheme of their lives, take an interest each others lives, and keep laughing together.

    1. Mekayla Eppers

      Yes I totally agree. Actually, my best friend just moved to LA and we joked that we will see each other the same amount. In fact, we’ve been friends since we were 2 and 3 years old. She and I share a bond that’s well beyond BFFs, she is family. I have some amazing friends but my ideal BFF that I envisioned as a little girl just isn’t realistic. We wont have husbands who are best friends and live in the same house lol. And we may not get pregnant at the same time and have friends that grow up to be BFFs. This blog was me working thru my own trials and helping other’s to work on themselves <3

      Thank you for the read!

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