How Men Handle Breakups (As told by a man)

So first off there are different ways a breakup can go down. Sometimes it is due to falling out of love, cheating, distance, or even fear of being tied down. I see these as the main reasons for break ups although I know that there are others. I mention these because depending on the way the break up happens, determines the way men react.


A big factor is time. The amount of time a man has spent with a woman, will absolutely be reflected in the amount of time he is going to take to recover. Rest assured, if you were with someone for a long time, he is not over it. I learned in a class that women take less time to recover from a break up than men do. I believe this. It can be rough, especially when the man sees his ex with another man. I feel like women always get in new relationships first. Probably because men are always hitting on women, whether they are single or in a relationship. Women get hit on a lot more than men. There seems to be more opportunity for women to find a new man, than men to find a new woman after a break up.


Here is what you won’t want to hear: after a break up, a man’s first reaction is try and sleep with other women. You don’t have to like it, but it is the truth. For some it’s a revenge thing, but I think most of the time it is men trying to find comfort, and using another woman to get that. We get attached to a female and we miss the comfort of being with them when we are hurting the most. Another thing men do is to turn to their single friends. These friends are often single for a reason. These same friends encourage us to drink, smoke, party and sleep with other women, because, “that is how you will heal,” they say. A lot of the time this advice is coming from men who have been hurt by women in their own past. This dictates the way they treat and view women. Guys don’t want to mope around and keep talking about the fact that they are hurt, they want to be doing something else, so they find things like I said above to get into.


Most men have fallen deeply in love with at least one woman during high school and when the breakup comes, it ruins them for future women. It’s sad, but true. Men become users because they can’t admit they are hurt. We can’t show anyone our feelings. We can’t say that we are weak because some girl broke our heart. To counter being weak, we stay busy. The next girls are just a way to escape the harsh reality that we are broken. People always do things for a reason. Most guys won’t ever admit that someone broke them. This becomes a problem because this leads to abuse of women in all different kinds of ways. Some of us never get over our past relationships. The pain of the break up can make a good guy a complete asshole.


I’m not innocent on this either. It’s a problem that needs to be fixed, but society won’t let it. I want to note that I am not blaming women for male behavior.  They have their reasons for leaving, but I really believe that when a man falls in love, and there is a break up, he hurts longer. The more a man is hurt by women, the less respect he might show or trust he might give in new relationships. Again I am not saying it’s right, I am just saying this is how many men are.


Another thing I want to touch on is how men and women love differently. This plays a huge role too. A man’s way of showing love is through sex, so when a break up occurs this is all men can think about. What used to happen replays in their head…all those intimate moments. And thinking that you could be intimate like that with someone else? Painful. This is another area where damage occurs and the revenge aspect kicks in. After a break up, he will start seeing a new woman right away. We think revenge will make it hurt less. This is why relationships are so tough and stressful at times. One day you can be the happiest person on earth and the next day you are praying for mercy because the pain feels unbearable. He may not ever tell you that, so I am.


If a man wants advice on how to deal with a break up, first admit your hurt, find something to do to keep your mind off of things, talk to someone even though some guys won’t want to hear it. You can find a girl that is a friend, and she will always listen. A big thing for me is to just get out of the house. Go do social things, go hit the gym, do something to boost you confidence.


People always talk about how women think about breakups. Those blogs are already out there. I thought maybe it was time to hear how men feel, and why we do the things we do.


Sawyer Brown is a 21 year old bass fisherman, and student at Southwestern Michigan College. You can follow him on IG by clicking THIS LINK.


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Dr. Heather Thompson Day is an Associate Professor of Communication, and Editor of Envision Magazine at Andrews University. She is the author of 6 Christian books including Confessions of a Christian Wife, available January 2019. You can follow Heather on Twitter or IG at HeatherThompsonDay.

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7 Responses

  1. Ohh I love this!! The whole part of the more a man is hurting, the more disrespect he shows- hard hitting and accurate now that I look at the past (for a millisecond) Being a mom of boy’s I hope I can somehow change this perception for their future

  2. bzymummy

    Well it doesn’t seem like he is hurting much. After 18 years together and 13 years of marriage (on the 14th ouch!) 5 children he had no problem walking away from me and our family. If he is hurting he has a hilarious way of showing it. I always thought that we had a happy marriage, I’m a fool I guess. I still want to work on it 🙁

    1. Sawyer

      I guess all I can say is that if he has walked out on all that he has something very serious going on in his own mind. it could be 1000 things, but if I had to guess it’s something in his past bringing him down or he was doing things he shouldn’t have been doing during the marriage. it shows immaturity it takes a man to talk things out. if he is not willing to talk things out he has something bigger wrong. to walk out on kids in my opinion no matter how bad things get for a man he should never leave his children.i feel like this may be a guy who feels like he rushed a relationship and a marriage. I don’t think he was ready.Just keep your head up sometimes we just need to remember god has a plan for all of us. Give it time you will find someone who will love you more and wants to be there someone with maturity.Stay strong you want him, but you don’t need him. He needs to be the one that comes to you if he wants to fix things.If he does don’t make it easy on him help him relize how he made you feel. If he doesn’t you have to move on find confort in friends in family get involved in something for you get your confidence back. I would try attending a church or joining other women in some sort of club. I am sorry this has happened but this one is out of my element my best guess is this man has a issue of immaturity.

  3. Miss Patricia

    Lover is back to me now my lover that broke up with me is back and my sister that is sick of HIV is healed who did this for me is Dr Ogogodu,if you need your lover back contact him on email or call him +2348078999655 and he will help you with any problem well thanks to him

    Miss Patricia

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